DEFEATED

In the world of food, if I could pick one food that really triggers my hunger, it’s cookies.

Yes, I am a cookie monster. I don’t really have a favorite kind of cookie … just … cookies.

I would pass up a lot of really good food to have a plate of cookies warm right out of the oven. Preferably, they fall apart when you pick them up.

I’m salivating.  Pavlov has nothing on me.

So at work for the past few days there has been this box of cookies on the table in the break room. They’re just THERE. You know what I’m talking about. It’s not that there just there, but in some unknown existential manner they are THERE almost as if they could call out to me. And I’m standing HERE…looking over THERE.

Just one.

I laugh at myself. I just wrote about making decisions. “Just one” is not a decision, it’s the key that opens the floodgate of uncontrollable cookie consumption. Eating one cookie is for me what one kiss in the back seat is to a hormone driven teenager. There’s no stopping.

Day One: I did not eat a cookie.

Day Two.

I planned to eat A cookie. I’m sure that couldn’t hurt much. (Even though I know better!)

I thought about it for a bit. What would it feel like to leave today without eating one of those cookies? What if I didn’t even eat ONE? What if I could sit down at the end of two days of staring down those cookies and write on this blog that i didn’t even lick the icing off of one of them. I didn’t press my finger down into the bottom of the package and taste a few crumbs. What if I could do that?

So, this is what I would write.

I was not defeated.

I DEFEATED the cookies!

That feels good.

HS

The First Decision

This was a weekend on the road.

The first decision was that I would not abandon my diet this weekend, BUT, would relax a bit some of the restrictions.

If I had never done this before I might have some kind of excuse. But this is a lifelong pattern.

That first decision predictably led to total health disaster weekend. And with no regrets … until tonight. I decided I need to be real and accountable to myself and whoever reads this. It’s a lot easier when you don’t think about it.

And so tomorrow I begin again. Again. Again. Again.

The first decision wasn’t really as I described it. My first decision was to get my health back in order. I second-guessed that decision and made a mess of things.

The first decision is the one I need to stick with. I know how to do it … I just … blew it.

If you read this, thanks.
HS

Exercise

In a recent comment someone talked about exercise. I have a poor attitude toward exercise, even though there is a positive history.

I have at various times in my life taken up racquetball, jogging, fast walking, and a short lived stint with bike riding (someone stole my bike and I never bought another one). Each time I try one of these activities I start off slow and  work my way up into greater intensity. But it’s been a few years since I’ve tried.

Suffering through a personal tragedy, I spent two years just forgetting about my own health and eating whatever I wanted. That’s left me in bad shape. My knees hurt. My feet hurt. My back hurts. I lose my breath easily. Exercise seems like something I couldn’t attempt without major problems.

Since I’ve been on an eating plan for the past six weeks, though, I’ve felt better. And maybe at some point I’ll be motivated to work my way into an exercise program.

However, more than the physical problems I’ll have to over come is a big mental roadblock.

And as far as I can see, most of this obesity problem is just a mind game. Get your game on in your mind and the rest is simple math.

Your input on these thoughts is always welcome.

HS